Monday, April 05, 2010

Magellan City

I am worried I'm a psychopath - I don't understand other people and poor
empathy is the mark of psycopathy.


I like cute animals though and psychopaths generally just like torturing
them so...

Perception is everything. Reality is nothing. You'll never know what's
to come, what's around the bend. It's all chaos chaos chaos and that's
why it's so angry and sad. I guess it would be dumb to expect life to
come up with miraculous weird random beauty through this random bumping
grating chance but we still expect it. I feel like a little electron
just whizzing, haphazardly bumping into others, out of sync, out of
control, gyrating wildly through a massive universe. I want to direct
where I go, to learn how to become the electron conductor so I could
make a symphony out of all this craziness but that doesn't really exist.
Only the occasional glimpse, the illusion of that kind of benevolent,
harmonious control comes by occasionally.

I'm so tired. I'm so tired of thoughts and thinking. I'm going to click
off the lights and not let myself sleep.

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